Despite our valiant attempt to get the sand orgy known as Burning Man canceled this year, over 70,000 white people are currently gathered in the Nevada desert pretending to be bohemian. Among festival-goers is Grover Norquist, president of the conservative Americans for Tax Reform and good buddy of Jack Abramoff. While Norquist may not seem like the type to don body paint and hitch up the ol’ art car, he really is a fan of the event, especially its emphasis on survivalism and self-reliance. As he wrote after attending for the first time last year, “The story of Woodstock was thousands of young people, without the sense to bring their own food and water, being rescued by the state police and sensible bourgeois rural folks. The story of Burning Man is one of radical self-reliance. … Some day, I want to live 52 weeks a year in a state or city that acts like this.”

Here at Grist, we didn’t get our Vanagon out of the shop in time to make it to Black Rock City, so we asked Mr. Norquist to cover the week-long festival for us. Here are his dispatches:

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Screen Shot 2015-08-31 at 1.45.33 PMScreen Shot 2015-08-31 at 1.46.02 PMScreen Shot 2015-08-31 at 2.02.54 PMScreen Shot 2015-08-31 at 2.50.59 PMScreen Shot 2015-08-31 at 3.16.13 PMScreen Shot 2015-08-31 at 1.48.02 PMThus concludes our dispatches from Grover N. We’re going to assume he’s off riding his unicycle on the Playa right now and that’s why he stopped texting, but if you see a dazed-looking libertarian wandering alone in the desert, tell the old man to check in.

Next up: Donald Trump goes to Smith College.

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