1. Look at the set of issues on that chick!

    At a boring heads-of-state summit, a bikini-sporting beauty queen crashed a photo shoot, protesting a pulp mill planned for Uruguay. “It was one of the best things that has happened at this summit,” said Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. He added, “I didn’t see anything about pulp, I was just looking at her.”

  2. Is, like, cashmere fur?

    After being pelted and prodded by PETA, fashionista Paris Hilton has contacted fellow Mensa alum Pammy Anderson about being an anti-fur spokesbimbo. She’s even giving up her own fur coats. As for being the, er, face of the next “Rather Go Naked” campaign … well, that cat’s already out of the bag. If you follow our meaning.

    Photo: Mike Guastella/WireImage.com

  3. GM swallows Hummer

    And speaking of hummers … bad news for the unendowed among us: Next month, GM’s infamous Hummer H1 will go extinct ascend to that great rap video in the sky be Terminated hop the express elevator to Hell no longer be manufactured. Now H2 drivers are the lucky winners in the Biggest Tool sweepstakes.

    Photo: Emmanuel Wuyts.

  4. Throw a roof and two more tires on that thing and we’re in business

    Now that affluent yuppies are starting to bicycle commute, it’s no wonder all sorts of widgets are springing up to help them avoid the whole sweating, expending-effort aspect of the experience. The batteries we can live with, but a two-stroke motor? Why not just ride your lawnmower to work?

    Photo: iStockphoto.

  5. Tuesday bloody Tuesday

    U2’s sunglassed frontman satisfied his god complex Tuesday by guest editing a charity edition of The Independent. With proceeds benefiting the AIDS fight in Africa, Bono’s coverage focused on issues like the plight of African farmers, the plight of African immigrants, and the threat of climate change … in Africa. Fortunately, he saved space for the most important questions of the day — like how Condi ranks Kool & the Gang in her top ten list. (No. 4!)