1. Make our Olympic debut

    We’re good at shooting the breeze, bouncing from clubs, and spiking the punch, so look for us in Beijing at the archery, trampoline, or volleyball competitions. Obviously we’re totally qualified, but we still might not go — the decision’s up in the air. Literally.

    Photo: Marco Scala via flickr

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  2. Eat organicagefreeganatural all year long

    Slim Jims come in vegesustainalocafairtradegrown, right? Hm. We may have to amend this one to …

    Photo: iStockphoto

  3. Drink only eco-friendly booze

    Dear eco-friendly booze suppliers: It tastes better when it’s free. Hint, hint.

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    Photo: iStockphoto

  4. Finally get a date with Tom Szaky

    Maybe this year?

  5. Do secret things in covert places

    Because it feels so good to enter that special room, close the curtain, and decide what feels right. We appreciate a well-hung chad, so we’re not gonna abstain from voting. Join us?

    Photo: ktpupp via flickr