1. Muscle preach

    Listen here, enviros: A-Schwarz wants to pimp you up. And he’s got plans for the climate-hatas, too: soon they’ll be the ones “like prohibitionists at a frat party,” while greens are hot and sexy. Hey, guess we can cross that off our to-do list.

    Photo: H. William Foster / WireImage.com

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  2. The less brief, the better

    We’re hung up in a big way on soy underwear from 2(x)ist, which brings “a new sense of style to what was once a purely functional part of one’s wardrobe.” We have no endowed — er, doubt that it functions just fine. Is it hot in here?

    Photo: 2(x)ist

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  3. Black and white and tread all over

    To aid climate-change research, Brit scientists are studying ice cores consulting computer models asking penguins to waddle on treadmills. When the birds’ bad-ass training regimen is done, they’ll be all set to try out for the world’s first carbon-neutral soccer team … or Dancing with the Stars.

    Treadmills courtesy OK Go.

  4. Panic! At the risk-o

    Worried about warming? Disturbed by deforestation? Tormented by toxins? Well, take action: lie down on the big couch and talk about your mother. Or do what we do: take a big, deep breath of dirty air, and go look at those undie pics again.

    Photo: iStockphoto

  5. Don’t forget to get laid

    Grist’s guide to prom night: Get these guys to DJ. Be a natural beauty. Don’t wear out the earth. Have Rachael Ray cater and pay for it all. And bust out your push-up-bra bag — perfect for smuggling in, um, Kool-Aid.

    Photo: iStockphoto