Right-wingers and greens agree: The Lorax movie sucks balls

It takes some real skill to simultaneously make Fox News think you’re seeding children’s brains with liberal time-bombs, AND piss off environmentalists with your transparent pandering to the auto industry. But the upcoming Lorax movie has managed it. We SAID it was an abomination.

I sort of missed the fact that someone let Lou Dobbs back on TV, but he’s got his old-man panties in a bunch over commie brainwashing from The Lorax and the upcoming Borrowers movie which I refuse to call by its stupid non-Borrowers title.

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Both of them promote the appalling liberal values of “sharing” and “fairness,” which are definitely NOT what we should be teaching our children. And the Lorax is also “partnering with companies to push eco-friendly products,” and we all know what that leads to.

Apparently, it leads to buying cars. Because The Lorax is also partnering with Mazda, giving the company’s CX-5 model the “certified Truffula tree seal of approval.”

Okay, first of all, “certified Truffula tree seal of approval” is not a thing. Second, if you’ll remember, what threatened the Truffula trees in the book was rampant overuse and industrialism. There is literally no way to MANUFACTURE A CAR that is actually “Truffula-tree friendly,” because manufacturing is exactly what Truffula trees do NOT need. I realize I’m getting worked up about a children’s fiction book over here, but hey: at least I’m not getting as worked up as Lou Dobbs.

I don’t really understand how Lou Dobbs thinks Obama went back in time to sneak his pinko “sharing” values into the 1971 Lorax and the 1952 Borrowers. But I even more don’t understand how someone who’s even stood near a copy of The Lorax could think think that pimping Mazdas was consistent with the book’s original message. (Go grab the first 7-year-old you see on the street, and see if he or she can’t explain to you why that’s absurd.) Honestly, we’d probably all be better off if this movie would pick itself up by the butt and lift itself on outta here.