Well, we’ve made it most of the way through Earth Day, and it’s been a wild success. The World’s Most Unloved Holiday barely beat out Paris Hilton’s dead chihuahua for Facebook’s No. 1 trending news story, but a win is a win!
The problem with getting big, however, is that everyone else wants in on the fame — and often, it’s not for the right reasons. Here’s a roundup of the most cringe-worthy tweets from corporations that are using #EarthDay to rake in the green, rather than be it.
So we can remember it when it’s gone.
Corn overproduction: 45 years of fucking up the food system.
Wait — doesn’t the burger get eaten in the end?
We source a small percentage of our coffee from farms that are Rainforest Alliance Certified, Fair Trade USA, or UTZ Certified so you can ignore the 789,100 tons of packaging that we produce every year!
12 Koch companies are certified by Wildlife Habitat — and then there’s their petroleum, plastics, minerals, fertilizer, ranching, finance, and commodity companies.
Can we just not do this today, PETA?
Translation: Without Earth, we would have to give up all the billions of dollars we’ve made off its residents. Thanks, Earth! P.S. We don’t even care enough to capitalize.