I had intended to write a post this evening on the big first-string GOP debate. I figured I’d have some jokes about Donald “The Donald” Trump’s spray tan of a complexion, a few screenshots of Scott Walker with the Devil in his eyes, and (less likely) some hard-hitting analysis of Jeb Bush’s platform.

Alas, after watching OVER AN HOUR of Fox News earlier today during the second-string debate, I was exhausted, and barely made it through Donald Trump calling Rosie O’Donnell a fat pig (I didn’t hallucinate that, right?) before promptly falling asleep on my laptop and having a lovely dream about Rand Paul being licked to death by a pack of feral Labradoodles. I would feel ashamed for my poor journalistic ethics, but I think my body was shutting down to protect my brain.

Luckily for us, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders did not fall asleep, and even managed to live-tweet what I’m sure was a very entertaining — if terrifying — event. I’ll let Bernie do the reporting for me.

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629458355220779008%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629457874868170752%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629461178696269824%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629462166408663040%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629467236382691329%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629469849316630528%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629470122978213889%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629473803593216000%5D

 

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 9.04.28 PM

 

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 9.01.04 PM

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629484729696448512%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629487393440141312%5D

 

[tweet https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/629488409728393216%5D

 

Unfortunately for us all, Bernie got this last one wrong: It’s not over. We’ve still got a loooong way to go before this circus comes to an end.