Rule No. 1 of Grist List: Never pass up an opportunity to win a free bike. Especially if the opportunity involves the chance to channel P.G. Wodehouse.

The Paris Review (TPR), a venerable lit magazine not particularly concerned with green living but very concerned with style and general braininess, is offering up this snazzy Beater Bicycles Roadster to one lucky and literary-minded reader.

To win this beaut, TPR asks its clever readers to describe the picture above. There’s a 300 word max and a catch: The description must be in the style of Elizabeth Bishop, Ray Bradbury, Joan Didion, Ernest Hemingway, or P.G. Wodehouse.

The deadline for entries is July 22. We won’t sully your creative juices by offering our own ideas. (Also, we don’t want you to steal our bike-winning entries.) We’ll just say this: Anyone who tries for Hemingway is a slacker and a cheat. Bishop’s the real challenge. Although Didion is still around (knock wood) to take offense if you screw it up.