1. Fallout girl

    Meet Alyona Kirsanova of Novovoronezh. She likes long walks on the beaches of Three Mile Island and thinks nuclear fusion is hot. But will she be crowned Miss Atom 2009? We can hardly contain our excitement.

  2. Personal ads we can believe in

    “In search of patriotic, busy, Chicago-Hawaiian man, must like basketball and know how to do the fist bump. I saw you on TV. You said ‘Yes we can’ and talked about a clean energy future. Meet me in Canada and we’ll sweep aside the world’s dirtiest oil, the Tar Sands, and make sweet climate change solutions together.”

  3. Clothed for business

    The Fleiss is right: The renewable energy biz is better than sex. Looks like her wind-powered brothel plans are up in the air, so it’s back to the barnyard for you Stud Farm hopefuls.

  4. We need to wake up

    Will.he.may.be but stellar this is not. While we’re “taking back our planet” can we also take back the sappy songs about global warming and do better? Yes, we can.

  5. Hazardous waste

    Dear elitist jerkface, we see your shirt — we get that you’re into sustainability. But must you recycle every single inaccurate stereotype about environmentalists and put them on display for all of America? We’ve got enough problems without you fowling our reps.