Climate denier anthem provides reality check in wake of Paris talks
Noted truth tellers and down-to-Earth billionaires Charles and David Koch* just released a “We are the World”-style climate deniers anthem. Their message is simple: “Don’t fret. The Earth’s not getting warmer. These temperatures are normal.”
This star-studded video could not have come at a better time. The international climate change negotiations in Paris are wrapping up this weekend, and we could all use a little reminder that we — and NASA — are total idiots. So in the spirit of cognitive dissonance and steadfast denialism, go slap a scientist and rock yourself to sleep with these choice lyrics from “The Earth’s Not Getting Warmer:”
“Long ago, droughts were super common.
Earthquakes happened often,
and it rained a ton.
Nowadays, rivers are still rushing,
waterfalls are rushing,
and snow exists.”
“Polar bears are fine,
and the ice caps aren’t melting.
Scientists are full of shit,
and fossil fuels are helping!”
“It’s a fact.
Al Gore is a liar.
The Sierras are on fire
like they’ve always been.”
“Don’t let Neil deGrasse Tyson fool you,
’cause CO2 ain’t gonna hurt you.
Don’t worry ’cause this shit ain’t grim.
I’m rolling snowballs like my name is Jim.”
*These are not the actual Koch brothers. This video was a production of Funny or Die, a humor website that is likely far too plebeian for the real Koch brothers to even know about. Plus, they’re probably too busy laughing at Detroit, sabotaging mass transit, and spying on us from their secret lair to care.