The giant oarfish is the very shy Michael Fassbender of the sea — rarely seen, reportedly HUGE, and the stuff of legend. But we’re in luck, because marine researchers, those underwater paparazzi, basically have a giant oarfish sex tape. And not just one, but five of them.

Lettin' it all hang out.

Lettin’ it all hang out.

Researchers with the conveniently named SERPENT (really?!) used remote operated vehicles to take underwater footage of giant oarfish in the northern Gulf of Mexico. And what did they find? The jokes write themselves:

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.

Interestingly, despite its long, lean form, the oarfish does not swim like a snake or an eel, but hangs almost vertically in the water.

The giant oarfish is also not scared by bright light, because its foes are few. (You would have few enemies if you were supposedly 56 feet long “from tip to tail” too.) Watch — it starts getting good at about 4:30:

Grist thanks its sponsors. Become one.