Like so many Arctic glaciers, a kayaker in Alaska had a complete meltdown when a curious bear started messing with her boat.

“IT’S THE END OF SEPTEMBER?,” kayaker Mary Maley screamed at the bear (whose name, apparently, is Bear). “WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP, BEAR. STOP THAT. STOP THAT. STOP THAT, BEAR. IT’S NOT EVEN FOOD. IT DOESN’T EVEN TASTE GOOD. IT’S MADE OF PLASTIC.”

While we shouldn’t be too fast to blame climate change for shortened black bear hibernation, the connection between climate change and kayak-eating requires further study. Hopefully Mary’s video will light a fire under the butts of biologists and climate scientists everywhere, and we can get to the bottom of this issue before the death rate of sea kayaks skyrockets.

Our condolences to Mary on the loss of her boat and to Bear on the loss of his hearing. Hopefully YouTube stardom will make up for it.

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