Much of the debate around providing comprehensive sexual education or universal birth control very sadly revolves around this deluded belief: If we give young women the means and knowledge to have sex without having babies, won’t they all just turn into enormous sluts?

This line of thinking is so dumb it almost doesn’t even bear discussing, because first of all: WHO FUCKING CARES! (Unintentional pun, but it stays.) Your personal opinions on promiscuity aside, the idea that access to birth control leads to increased sexual activity is truly bonkers.

Today, thanks to the Affordable Care Act, more American women have access to zero-copay birth control than ever before (although serious gaps in that access still remain), and we also have the most options for said birth control. But guess what, people with an abiding and inexplicable terror of women going out and having sex? As a society, we’re all less trampy than we used to be!

Welcome to your worst nightmare in digital form, courtesy of Slate: A tool that will tell you how promiscuous you are relative to your peers! If you are astonished by your results, this might be why:

Why make a sex calculator? We were inspired by a study published this month in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, which found that millennials (or snake people, if you prefer) are on pace to sleep with an average of eight partners during their lifetimes, fewer than Generation X (10 partners) and the baby boomers (11 partners). In other words, as a group, today’s young adults are shaping up to be less sexually prolific than their parents.

Now you have a great conversation topic for tonight’s dinner with your significant other’s parents — you’re welcome! But honestly, the results of said tool, just like the opinion of any 98-year-old congressman, should have no bearing on your own attitude toward your sexual history. You do you — and whomever else you feel 100 percent comfortable doing! (Sorry.)

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