Watch a pine marten turn a soccer game into a Wild Kingdom episode
File under “things that make us think perhaps we will go on to endure yet another day”: A weasel-like animal called a pine marten ran onto a soccer field on Tuesday, during a match between Swiss Super League teams FC Thun and Zurich, and bit the crap out of one of the Zurich players. Maybe it saw a wide expanse of green space and thought “goddamit, monkeys, get your cleats off my habitat.”
The pine marten ran around for a few minutes, looking cute in that way that wild animals are temporarily cute before they go feral on you — which, after being dextrously captured by Zurich defender Loris Benito, this thing did. Watch as Benito successfully fends the wriggling and enraged creature off for a few minutes before it turns around and gives him a nasty bite on the finger.
Well. Nice of Benito to take matters into his own hands so the game could keep going, but Jesus, that had to be a painful and somewhat disgusting experience. Oh, and here is more if you’d like to know what the fuck a pine marten is. I have learned that they are also referred to as the sweet marten, but am fairly sure that Benito would not agree.