Yes, it’s a video from the Onion, and one of its finest. But with burger-grilling season heating up, and bacteria-friendly temperatures rising across the nation, it’s worth taking the meat of the video’s message with a grain of salt. (Gagging from my puns yet?) If you can find beef at your local farmers market, you’ll be far less likely to be eating burger ground from hundreds of thousands of cows, which ups your risk of getting sick from E. coli exponentially. Personally, I prefer tofu dogs over mystery meat.