Our Earth Day nod to the year’s goodies, oddities, and inanities
With Earth Day fast approaching, we’re pleased to bring you the First Ever List of Grist Superlatives. It’s our modest take on the year past, and a few predictions for things to come. Miffed about what we missed? You’re welcome to make additions in Gristmill.
Photo: Eric Neitzel/ WireImage.com.
Most improbable movie star: Al Gore
Scariest preview of coming attractions: Katrina
Species most likely to go extinct within the year: climate skeptic
Most hackneyed phrase: “Green is the new black”
Political fight most reminiscent of Groundhog Day: Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
Biggest crybaby: Ted Stevens
Place we’d most like to see Grist‘s name: Chris Martin’s left hand
Press announcement most likely to be accompanied by music of angelic choir: Evangelical Climate Initiative
Greenest Kennedy of 2006: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Most hyped weed: switchgrass
Second-most hyped weed: hemp
Most likely to attempt to smoke own product: Willie Nelson
Most likely to attempt to blow smoke up your ass: Richard Pombo
Most popular environmental oxymoron: “clean coal”
Second most popular: “safe, clean nuclear power”
Photo: Emily Gertz.
Cutest tiny new car: Obvio!
Cutest tiny new car likely to be embraced by the American public: Yeah, right
Hottest eco-model: Summer Rayne Oakes
OK, only eco-model: Summer Rayne Oakes
Ex-big-oil executive most likely to show up with a bikini-clad girl on a chain and a grudge against Han Solo: Lee Raymond
Best new book on climate change: Field Notes From a Catastrophe
Other best new book on climate change: The Weather Makers
Photo: NOAA Photo Library.
Best green website (besides ours, of course): Treechanging … uh, we mean Worldhugger
Global-warming activist who pops up more often than Zelig: Laurie David
Stinkiest eco-innovation: San Francisco’s poop power
Kinkiest eco-innovation: phthalate-free sex toys
Sneakiest way for big ag to make a buck: corn-based ethanol
Angstiest question for green community: Are we dead?
Second-angstiest: Is it OK to say good things about Wal-Mart?
Least photogenic eco-celeb: Mr. Floatie
Most Scientology-esque acceptance of sci-fi writer as source of scientific truth: George W. Bush’s tête-á-tête with Michael Crichton
Best and worst marketing idea: Make-your-own Chevy Tahoe commercial
Government leader whose big talk on climate is most likely to be muffled by Bush’s bum affixed to his lips: Tony Blair
Most overlooked source of energy: efficiency
Web petition most likely to actually amount to something: stopglobalwarming.org
Hottest self-defeating anti-Kyoto argument: It costs too much, and doesn’t do enough
Hottest fake Kyoto: Asia-Pacific Partnership on Clean Development and Climate
Least significant environmental decision you will ever make, so for the love of god stop worrying about it: paper vs. plastic
State most likely to secede: California
Hottest seller of 2010: hybrid minivan
Green celeb we kind of miss seeing around: Ed Begley Jr.
Story we feel most guilty for being bored by: ice, somewhere, melting
Best eco-themed folk music album: …
Least impressive way to demonstrate your eco-consciousness: buying stuff
Most likely to stock up on bottled water and beef jerky if oil surges past $80 a barrel: James Howard Kunstler
Term most likely to wear out the scare-quote key on our keyboards: “eco-terrorism”
Daily Grist headline we still chuckle about: Cattle Star Redactica
Law least able to protect itself: Endangered Species Act
Most depressing acquisition of 2006: Colgate’s purchase of Tom’s of Maine
Worst way to deal with climate change: nuclear energy
Easiest way to create appearance of eco-benignity: green tags
Country most likely to be oil-free first: Sweden
Most likely to be last: don’t make us say it
Most over-used tool in environmentalist toolbox: fear
Tool still in bag with price tag on it: hope
Best car of 2006: your bike
Mustachiest geo-green: Thomas Friedman
Best place to look for ways to reduce ecological impact: mirror
Add your own superlatives to the list in Gristmill.